So I bought Red Dead Redemption on Black Friday, and was wowed. It was the best cowboy game (and to be honest, the only one) I had played since Gun, and I instantly loved it. The entirety of the first few hours screamed classic western, and I am a sucker for a good formulaic cowboy tale.

I meet some interesting characters, get shot up, want revenge, get some cool guns, do some missions. Then I do some more similar missions. Then I go to Mexico, and do the EXACT FUCKING GOD DAMNED SAME MISSIONS, THIS TIME WITH SPANISH ACCENTY NPCs. Jesus fucking christ. (and then it goes on for another ten hours).

The funny thing is I don’t know why this came as a shock for me, this game is classic Rockstar. They only know how to make ONE FUCKING GAME, and they do it OVER AND OVER. You get a mission. You ride horse to a spot. You shoot guys. Go get a next mission. Maybe it will be you need to just follow someone on horseback (which is the most tedious thing I have ever done in a game I think) while you shoot some bad guys. Or maybe you drive cattle. This is the same exact skeleton as a GTA game, just with different textures.

There is no progression in gameplay, or variety, or complexity. There is nothing separating the first 3 missions of the game, from the last 3. You could have given me the tutorial, then let me beat the game, and I would have been just as prepared(minus the better guns). I think Rockstar games are the only ones on the market that pull that BS. There is tutorial, then filler that does nothing to drive the game forward, then it ends. Thankfully.

Let me give three easy and quick examples of popular games that actually both grow the main character, and grow the skills and expectations of the player through the entirety of the game. Where by the end you are expected to be better at the game, in order to beat it.

Mario Bros: Starting off you know how to jump on goomba heads, and to hate all turtles. All the power ups and “rules” of that Mario game are a mystery. And the final stages will be so different from the initial ones, you cant even imagine them. Ok, well Bowser will probably be there.

Call of Duty: From the get go you are a competent soldier, but only through playing the absolutely ridiculous campaign (it always is) will you feel like a total badass, an unstoppable juggernaut. The only one who can save America and the World!!! Hoorah! Also this is a game that constantly tests you, and makes you learn to think on your feet, and change how you have been playing. By the very end you’re so hardcore I’m surprised your dick didn’t get bigger.

ANY RPG EVER: The best example of what Rockstar games (meaning GTA and RDR) are lacking. Many many RPGs are akin to Star Wars: A New Hope. You got a total rube, who turns into an awesome main character who you want to see succeed over all odds. Even when he is kinda a dick, you want him to prove to his companions that he is worth a damn, and that he has what it takes to save the world. Also by the end of the game, your party is most likely stronger than thirty Emerald Weapons, and almost unrecognizable from the wimps you started with.

GODDAMN, I just don’t get it. I know I am making generalizations here. but why does RDR have almost ZERO character development. John starts out as a hard nosed prick, who is a total asshole to people (except maybe 2), when the game ends he is exactly the same. His character never has any sort of story arc, and he never betters himself, or learns a lesson. His personality, much like the game itself, is shallow, and has little redeeming characteristics.

But that L.A. Noire game does look pretty damn fun.

Arg,
kidc

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