It seems like there arent many good reviews of stripclubs on the nets. I wonder exactly why that is? I mean, people love to act like their opinions mean shit, and also people love breasts. THIS IS SIMPLE MATH HERE FUCK SIMPLE.

(Self Importance)+(Titties)= Professional Strip Club Reviewing

and the awesome thing is, for this job you don’t even need credentials. or even to speak English really. or not be drunk. all of these factor into my new career choice- professional seamstress. wait, what. no, strip club reviewing guy.

I think I will skip the girls, the bar, prices, all that shit, and get right to the meat. the bathroom. Now coming from a man who has picked bars to drink at based solely on the bathroom, i think i am almost overqualified for this.

its a simple system, try to follow me.

+1 point if there is a bathroom
-5 points for attendant
+10 points for big surly bouncery guy making sure we dont jack off
-7 points if its all graphetti
-4 points if there is a condom machine
+20 points if it is cleaner than your own bathroom
-2 points for glory holes (-2 per glory hole i should say)
+15 points if there is ice dumped in the urinal
-3 points if it is in clear view of the dancers
-5 points if theres a creepy guy in it
+8 points if there is a mirror
+/- 10 points for doors on stalls. I mean who uses the shitter at a titty bar?… but what if you need to!

OK so you take that all, and divide or multiply it based on the number of times you need to go. If you go 2 or less times you multiply it, 3 or more, you divide.

if that number is less than 10, then you’ve done more math than most of the people above you in your company. Congrats!

wa na na!
kidc

Take a stand!

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