So Grand Theft Auto 4 is coming out soon.

Woop de doo.

I have never been a supporter of the series, generally speaking because I do not like sandbox games.

Hey look, we programmed an entire city that you can drive around in!

So what, this isn’t Mario 64 anymore, I don’t give a shit that there are places you can explore. You bore me.

There are so many different mission types, you can even be an ambulance driver!

Yes I can choose to kill the guy, protect the guy, bomb the place, or drive the guy a place. And Crazy Taxi was fun, like in 1999.

Theres all sortsa guns and enemies. Did we tell you you can kill cops?

The controls have been bust since GTA3, have you finally fucking fixed them Rockstar? From the previews I have my doubts.

Ugg, I’m not making much sense even to me. The way I see it is that GTA panders to the lowest common denominator of game player. You know the guy who buys videogame systems for two things- Madden and GTA. I hate those people. They are the same douche bags who wore white hats with frayed brims and words like “Cock” or “Dik” written on them when I was in high school. Oh look I have a shell necklace IM SO FREAKING COOL.

I think reviewers let themselves be dazzled with the expanse of GTA games and are too kind to them. Obvious Flaws are overlooked, and Rockstar just happily bumbles about deciding what the want to grace us with next. And everyone buys the game. Has the series changed at all since its inception? Sure it looks better, and now we can swim (woaaah!), but has there been any innovation… like AT ALL? And no, skydiving is not an innovation. Driving a motorcycle is not an innovation. I bet the Japanese developers see this game, and see how much money it makes, and will cry. I would cry too if a company made its mark by caking on another layer of makeup on the same whore every few years and made a name for themselves. Oh wait, that is what happened. Bullocks.

And do you want to know what the worst part is? The worst part is I’m going to have to buy the fucking game. I’m going to have to buy it because no new games I want are coming out until like June, and I’m fucking bored to shit over here. Goddamnit I’ll settle for anything new right now rather than buy GTA4, but theres nothing at all.

Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!

TTFN
-Kid C

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