This past Christmas I received the ultimate X-Files box set as a gift from my girlfriend. It has all nine seasons of the show as well as the feature film, Fight the Future. It was a pretty rad present. I didn’t follow the show religiously but I enjoyed it enough over the years to merit wanting to see it all. It will be a lengthy endeavor but I am already well into the third season. Perhaps I will finish in time for the movie sequel. I also recently listened to the Zombie Survival Guide as an audiobook. It performs surprisingly well in this format.

This is why government conspiracy and the undead were on my mind when the shootings occured a few weeks ago at NIU, and why despite the tradegy of it all, had the following thought.

What if school shootings and other similar events were actually cover ups of zombie infestations. The homicidal shooters are actually secret government operatives there to contain and eliminate the undead threat, or, even worse, performing field tests with a small but intentional outbreak. The reason the operative often commits suicide is because he accidently becomes infected in the process and he knows that once he finishes dispatching the the threat, he must eliminate himself for fear of further outbreak and loss of containment. The hated shooter is a hero, saving lives at the risk of his own. By the time the media picks up on it, all the details have been rearranged, people bought off or threatened into silence, or memories altered. And the heroes are just remembered as lonely kids who grew up playing Doom and CounterStrike.

That is what I thought of after the most recent of these tragic attacks. By no means do I want to cheapen the reality and seriousness of these events.

On a lighter note. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”

Take a stand!

1. If I was bitten by a zombie I would go straight to Colin’s and bite him. Then as an extremely sweet zombie duo we’d probably eat your brains.

   — Brian · Mar 5, 03:49 PM · #

2. I think I am insulted you would bite him first. I think.

   — Adam · Mar 5, 04:22 PM · #

3. If I bite you first then we will have to share Colin’s wee brain. Which would prob only last us like half a day and then we’d have to go look for other brains.

   On the other hand, if I bite Colin then we can share your massive cranium, Which would prob last a few weeks.

   Lazy Zombie = Happy Zombie

   — Brian · Mar 5, 05:40 PM · #

4. Ha, Brian likes me better.

   — Colin · Mar 5, 09:23 PM · #

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