My original post was lost to the mercies of the internet; she is a harsh mistress. So I will regurgitate what I can to try and recreate its glory. This won’t be the actual post; this is just a tribute.

Colin referred to my outlook on life as defeatist. I believe I am more of a devil’s advocate. I think there is a fine line between them; perhaps I straddle that line, but the nut on the devil’s advocate side hangs lower. I may be a cynic and a pessimist, but I am also practical and a realist. Colin describes it best when he paints me as lord master of my ivory tower, passing judgement on all those who dwell below. What the picture does not show is that this lord is a martyr, a magnet for disdain from those he tries to protect. You may hate me, but you must respect me. Also, devil’s advocate sounds way more awesome.

Doritos brand tortilla chips are delicious. They pack a punch of taste that sends you right into flavor country. When these babies hit the scene, the world changed forever. Our youth experienced a turbo-charged snack with an extreme message that sent their heads reeling. Taste-buds were stimulated in ways never before, and the kids wanted more. Soon the Doritos were not exciting their pallets anymore and Frito Lay had to push the envelope on flavor. Nacho Cheese became Nacho Cheesier. Cool Ranch became Cooler Ranch. Spicy Nacho became Spicier Nacho. The kicked it up a notch. The youth of our nation felt their tongues come alive again. A great cheer went out, but it was short lived. All too soon the chips were no longer the pallet pleasers they had once been. The mouths of America had become desensitized to even the ‘ers line of Doritos. Nacho Cheesier fell back down to just Nacho Cheese once more. The kids acted out. Violence and sexual misconduct were now the name of their stimulations. Their snack just wasn’t extreme enough anymore; the snack that introduced a whole generation to extreme just couldn’t cut it anymore. Was this desensitization more than just physical? Had Doritos dulled their minds and morals as well? It matters not. What matters is how to stop this downward spiral these tortilla chips have sent us on. Will Frito Lay introduce a superlative line of ‘ests? Nacho Cheesiest, Coolest Ranch, and god forbid, Spiciest Nacho? Will these quell our newfound addiction to the extreme? No, they will only delay it, creating hungers even more insatiable than before. Then what? What’s cheesier than the cheesiest? We have unleashes a snake to catch a rat, but now we need a mongoose to catch the snake, and then we will need whatever the hell catches a mongoose, until the problem requires the genetic splicing of an even better predator but a mistake will be made, and God will punish us for stepping outside our boundaries into his turf, and sure as day, the Zombacolypse will manifest and we will be at arms against our walking dead brethren, our hunger for the extreme matching their hunger for flesh until the only answer is Rotten Flesh flavored Doritos, until the become obsolete and we introduce Rottener Flesh Doritos.

In conclusion, saying that the violence of our youth is due to exposure to violent video games is about as truthful as saying that tortilla chips will lead to the zombie apocalypse. Zombies are extreme with two x’s and no e’s.

Xxtrm.

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